Trying to Blog!!

Hey everyone. I am trying to blog today. It is really hard. I sit down to write and nothing comes to mind, but I figure that if I just type there will be things to say.

All I can think about is my dad or my mom or my brother. Getting through the funeral and the burial came so easy. I really thought I was invincible. I am now experiencing strong deep feelings of pain and hurt. I know that some of you were probably thinking the same thing I would have thought about someone like me, "It's going to hit him one day." My wife even said that yesterday. I woke up night before last from a dream where all I could see was my dad's face taking his last breath. It was horrible.

Some of my feelings have to do with going to the cabinet shop and cleaning it yesterday. Everything I saw reminded me of dad. He had touched everything in that shop. It smelled like him.

My mom doesn't feel like leaving her house. She said that all she wanted to do was sit there. My brother is in much pain in Georgia as well. He called me and told me that he can't sleep. He works in a shop so everything he does reminds him of dad.

I think all of these feelings are normal, but they sure don't feel good. I guess grieving is not supposed to feel good. I just have this emptiness that I hope will be filled soon and to some degree it is already being filled.

I have a wonderful supportive wife who has already experienced this who is helping me so very much. She is so good at just holding me and letting me cry. I have the greatest church family in the world (no offense to any of you who feel the same about your church family). I have great kids who have just been awesome through all of this. I have the best blog family who is helping me through this process. I am surrounded by three great shepherds at Creekside.

I have so much to live for but am dying inside right now. Thank you again for reading and supporting me and my family in prayer. I feel the presence of God. I know He is with us. I know that to be true or this really would be hard! God bless you all is my prayer.

Dad's Funeral & Thoughts

I am absolutely overwhelmed! The outpouring of love for our family the last two days has been amazing!

Last night we stood for five hours and shook hands with hundreds of people who were in many ways connected to my dad. There were some of his life-long mates, family that I have not met yet, and people who have known him for only a few months. Church friends, family friends, work friends--just FRIENDS.

I think that is the most spoken word all night last night. Dad made such an impact on people that he was able to make many friends. The attachments he made were nearly always immediate and long lasting.

Thanks for your prayers. I was able to talk with boldness and confidence at his funeral today and the only thing I can attribute that to is all the prayers that were lifted up on my behalf. I didn't want to do it so that people would brag. It was not some kind of "I-have-to-be-strong" trip. I just so wanted to talk about my dad and honor him and thanks be to God I was able to do so.

I really feel that God has been with us through all this. Why should I expect anything else? I have been at peace so much. I attribute that peace to the comfort of the Holy Spirit. He is present in our lives.

The hardest part today for some reason was when they handed my mom that American Flag. I don't know what it was, but that really tugged at my heart. I guess it was the final thing to happen before they laid his body in the ground.

Well, this chapter in my life is now closed. It has been painful. It has been inspiring. It has been exhausting. I know there will be more to this as time travels on. I know that is especially true for mom. She has many things to deal with that I don't even know. I know that at times things will be lonely for her. Please pray that God will help her.

There will never be a day go by that I don't think of him in some way. I will miss him so terribly bad. I want right now to be wheeling him out of that hospital and taking him home like I always did after a bought with pneumonia, but it is not going to happen.

One thing I do know, my dad would want us to move on. We must believe that and do that. He was that unselfishness. I know we can do that and know too that his spirit will ever be alive in Kent and me. I just want to make him proud and be the kind of unselfish, friendly, loving father, husband, and friend to others that he was.

I am rambling somewhat and I will end now by saying again to all of you who read this blog and respond in some way, either by posting or calling me, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR SUPPORT!! I love you all.

Blessed Peace

This morning at 8:50, we witnessed my father slip into the hands of angels as he passed away. We watched in tears as his oxygen saturation levels fell into nothing, his breathing stopped then the heart slowed and then finally stop. I believe that God ushered him into the bosom of Abraham where he will rest until God calls us all unto himself into our prepared home. That is a mouthful isn't it and much of which I do not really understand. The afterlife is still such a mystery to me. I know this though, (2 Corinthians 5:6-8 NCV) "So we always have courage. We know that while we live in this body, we are away from the Lord. {7} We live by what we believe, not by what we can see. {8} So I say that we have courage. We really want to be away from this body and be at home with the Lord." Whatever it's really like, being present with the Lord is so much more desirable than suffering for every breath! It is what we all long for. As Greg put it on the phone, it is completing a circle. We cycle through this life only to long for our maker and a real face to face relationship with Him!

I have always heard people say that it was a blessing for their loved one to go on and be with Jesus when suffering is all they had to look forward to. I have witnessed that today. I did not want to lose my dad. I desperately want to have another conversation with him. I want to see him pick at my kids and enjoy their ball games. I wish that he would be able to see Tabitha graduate this May from high school. All that being said, he has realized that for which we long. To see a graduation, to laugh in this present world of sin, even the happiest of the happy cannot be compared to the sheer bliss of being in the pure presence of God. It is something for which we long.

I am thankful for every moment I spent with my dad. I am thankful we had a close relationship. I am thankful for his pure unselfishness. I am so glad we had a last lunch memory together around two weeks ago. I have been so blessed with a dad who loved me and took care of me and spent time with me as a young man coaching my ball teams, and watching me grow up. I did not have a perfect dad in the sense that he never made a mistake. He did his fair share, but I did have a perfect father in the sense that he tried to give us a happy life in this world. He was a gentleman who loved unselfishly and I will truly miss him.

Today, as he passed on, I felt a peace that I cannot describe. I felt him stop suffering. I felt my pain leave and God's comfort become present in my inner soul. I believe that peace to be God Himself giving me the strength that many of you have prayed for our family to experience.

Please keep my mom in your prayers. On top of a mountain of pain will come challenges financially, emotionally, and just the everyday life living that she will have to do. She is strong and I know she will pull through this. It will just take time.