Trying to Blog!!
Hey everyone. I am trying to blog today. It is really hard. I sit down to write and nothing comes to mind, but I figure that if I just type there will be things to say.
All I can think about is my dad or my mom or my brother. Getting through the funeral and the burial came so easy. I really thought I was invincible. I am now experiencing strong deep feelings of pain and hurt. I know that some of you were probably thinking the same thing I would have thought about someone like me, "It's going to hit him one day." My wife even said that yesterday. I woke up night before last from a dream where all I could see was my dad's face taking his last breath. It was horrible.
Some of my feelings have to do with going to the cabinet shop and cleaning it yesterday. Everything I saw reminded me of dad. He had touched everything in that shop. It smelled like him.
My mom doesn't feel like leaving her house. She said that all she wanted to do was sit there. My brother is in much pain in Georgia as well. He called me and told me that he can't sleep. He works in a shop so everything he does reminds him of dad.
I think all of these feelings are normal, but they sure don't feel good. I guess grieving is not supposed to feel good. I just have this emptiness that I hope will be filled soon and to some degree it is already being filled.
I have a wonderful supportive wife who has already experienced this who is helping me so very much. She is so good at just holding me and letting me cry. I have the greatest church family in the world (no offense to any of you who feel the same about your church family). I have great kids who have just been awesome through all of this. I have the best blog family who is helping me through this process. I am surrounded by three great shepherds at Creekside.
I have so much to live for but am dying inside right now. Thank you again for reading and supporting me and my family in prayer. I feel the presence of God. I know He is with us. I know that to be true or this really would be hard! God bless you all is my prayer.
All I can think about is my dad or my mom or my brother. Getting through the funeral and the burial came so easy. I really thought I was invincible. I am now experiencing strong deep feelings of pain and hurt. I know that some of you were probably thinking the same thing I would have thought about someone like me, "It's going to hit him one day." My wife even said that yesterday. I woke up night before last from a dream where all I could see was my dad's face taking his last breath. It was horrible.
Some of my feelings have to do with going to the cabinet shop and cleaning it yesterday. Everything I saw reminded me of dad. He had touched everything in that shop. It smelled like him.
My mom doesn't feel like leaving her house. She said that all she wanted to do was sit there. My brother is in much pain in Georgia as well. He called me and told me that he can't sleep. He works in a shop so everything he does reminds him of dad.
I think all of these feelings are normal, but they sure don't feel good. I guess grieving is not supposed to feel good. I just have this emptiness that I hope will be filled soon and to some degree it is already being filled.
I have a wonderful supportive wife who has already experienced this who is helping me so very much. She is so good at just holding me and letting me cry. I have the greatest church family in the world (no offense to any of you who feel the same about your church family). I have great kids who have just been awesome through all of this. I have the best blog family who is helping me through this process. I am surrounded by three great shepherds at Creekside.
I have so much to live for but am dying inside right now. Thank you again for reading and supporting me and my family in prayer. I feel the presence of God. I know He is with us. I know that to be true or this really would be hard! God bless you all is my prayer.
posted by Keith Davis at
8:17 AM
3 Comments:
Keith,
Know that you and your family are continually in our thoughts and prayers. My heart breaks for all of you. It's tough to lose someone so dear to you. But just think how much harder it would be if you were not so close to him. There would be feelings of regret for all the things you didn't do or didn't say. You are very blest to not have to deal with those feelings on top of what you are already dealing with. It's hard now, but it will get better. There will come a day when you'll walk into his cabinet shop and it will make you smile to be able to smell his smell again and to be able to touch his things. It may not be soon, but that day will come. Kent will one day go to work and smile at every splinter he gets and be able to remember all the splinters he and Richard shared as he learned his craft from his father. When you walk into church and see an orange chair stuck in the auditorium amongst the blue ones you'll grin and know that your dad is with you in spirit. He was honored and priviledged enough to be with you as you took your first breath of life. How wonderful a gift that you were able to be there for him and with him as he breathed his last. It will be a wonderful memory in years to come, but for now it will be a painful memory. It's been 10 years since I held my Granny's hand as she drew her last breath. I still cry at the memory, but I smile thru the tears. I wouldn't trade that last moment with her for anything in this world. There will be a huge void in all of our lives now that Richard is gone, and it should be there. The task ahead is to not let that void consume your entire being. Let it be a wonderful memory and testament to a great man. But don't let it kill your spirit. Keep God close to you and He will help you through this. Grief is not fun or easy in any circumstance. But it's not quite as bad for Christians because we do have hope and faith. It's ok to cry and it's ok to be angry and empty and everything else you feel now and will feel in the coming days, weeks, months, and even years. But you will survive this and be that much stronger for it and that much better able to truly minister to those going thru this type of pain. When the Roberts' lost their baby girl I remember hearing some say that they can now truly know what their congregations are going thru when they lose children because of sub-standard medical care. There is no way they could truly know how to help those people if they hadn't been thru it themselves. The same is true here. You will make it through this!!! We love you so much!!
By
Anonymous, at 10:03 AM
Keith, I know what you are going through. I lost my Mom a wonderful christian woman about 16 years ago. I still dream about her often and when I dream of her it is always happy. I am sure she is no longer suffering as she was before. I think she is trying to tell my Brother and I that she is fine and continue to trust in Jesus. He is the only one that can see us though these tough times. Tommarow will be tough for you I am sure. We Love You and appreciate all you do for Jesus. Thanks for being just a simple servent. Swindles
By
Anonymous, at 4:34 PM
We are glad to know that you have support, and continue to pray for you as you feel so deeply the loss of your dad.
By
Brady, at 2:39 AM
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